3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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