when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
