Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
