we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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