question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
