I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
