I feel great
I just peed on a car
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
