we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
