Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize