what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
