I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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