I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
