Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
