I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
