i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
