just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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