Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize