and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Boobs speak an international language.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
