he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
