Where is the hickey?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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