Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
