I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
