she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think i have herpe
just one?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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