what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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