You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
