East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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