It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
