Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
