He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
