I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sober January is a disaster.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
