so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
