drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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