it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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