i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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