It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
