you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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