im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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