I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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