and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
