please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
