She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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