i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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