No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
