I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
