she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
