so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
