How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
