You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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