i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize