What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
