you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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