oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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