I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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