so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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