**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
