I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize