the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
