you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
