okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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