My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
