I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Two words: blizzard sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize