he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
