who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i now understand why vodka
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
