nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
