Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
