I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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