I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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