i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
