my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize