Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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