Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
