Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
