It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
