Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
