i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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