I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
