Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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