Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
