I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize