shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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