omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
