Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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