who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
