i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
porn star boner night. come get it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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