Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just threw up on my dentist
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
