Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
