I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
