So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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