well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
