I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
