The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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