we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
