god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
