threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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