Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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