i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
May the power of my ass compel you!!
pray to the hookup gods
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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