He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize