and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
