so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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