Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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