bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize