I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize