I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
