yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
