This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
