i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
