we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
