So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
