he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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