Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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